The Perennial Sam

Up until recently, my main creative outlet was through artwork.  Most of the people I know in person are aware of this because I tend to doodle indescrimanently on whatever I have in front of me.  Several months ago I heard about a program called Touched by Fire for fine artists suffering from mood disorders.    

This program was designed in memory of a female artist who suffered with severe bipolar disorder during her lifetime.  Touched by Fire is comprised of two elements:  an online gallery where artists can display their work all year long, and a week long show every year where visitors can see some of the pieces in person.  Unless otherwise noted by the artist, each piece of artwork is offered for sale on the website, at a price chosen by the artist.  Continue Reading »

I had a doctor’s appointment today and rather than get up early this morning to borrow a vehicle I decided that I’d rather find my own way there. Lately I haven’t been getting out of the house very much so it seemed like a bit of an adventure. When I’m having a hard time with my depression I tend to seclude myself, which I know is not good for a person, so I try to hoof myself in the butt sometimes and get out for a bit.

I really wasn’t in the mood to go out today but I figured once I actually left the house it wouldn’t be too bad. This is generally the case. And I didn’t really have much choice about going to the doctor - something that has to be done. At one time I used to cancel my doctor’s appointments if I was in a really dour mood but now I make a concentrated effort to get there. I realized that I wasn’t doing myself a favour by not going, so I decided to “buck up.”

Anyhow, today was a pretty good day once I got out. I took the taxi to the doctor’s office - about a 45 min walk from my home. Originally I was going to walk but I got up late and then diddled around for too long. My doctor was in a pretty good mood and he was supportive of my being without medication for the moment. I am happy that I am doing well enough not to require antidepressants. I won’t go into detail on how I feel about meds - that’s something that every person needs to consider carefully with their health professionals.

Somewhat off topic: I’ve been thinking about getting a disclaimer up on this site. I’ve noticed that other blogs of this type have one…will have to get the techno-savvy fiance to help me out with that.

After finishing up at the doctor’s, I walked downtown to see my aunt who works in the area. I wanted to do some walking as I’m trying to be more active. I gained a lot of weight with the last round of medication I took and although it’s coming off on its own, I do need to start exercising again. My aunt happened to be out of the office when I got there, but I talked to her co-worker for a bit. He is a nice guy, his wife teaches at my old highschool. She is really not much older than me - they had their first child last year.

I was feeling sort of liberated, being out and having nowhere in particular to go, so I headed in the general direction of the library and decided to stop to eat on the way. We have a new Thai restaurant downtown that resides in an old nightclub. I had been there with my sister before and wanted to go in and enjoy the Indonesian decor and smoke-stained walls on my own. I actually do like that you can still see the tobacco film on the ceiling, it adds character to the place. Sometimes extensive remodelling undoes all the little characteristics of a place that add up to an engaging atmosphere. So I had cashew chicken and Coke (my favourite pop) and splurge on raspberry-mango cheesecake. It didn’t actually taste like cheesecake but it was pretty darn tasty anyhow.

I headed off to the library again. You are learning that I am a person who is sidetracked easily… A closing-out sale was being held in a secondhand shop, so I went in to look for some pants. I didn’t find any, but I got a corduroy shirt that will suffice for a spring jacket until I shrink up some more. I really did gain a lot of weight in the last two years - two rounds of meds and four surgeries have added up to an extra 50 lbs on my 5′6″ frame. At least I’m not any shorter I guess. I also found some napkins and other stuff I can use when my fiance and I move within the next two months.

Finally, I have reached the library, where I am now making this entry. I have to admit I am feeling pretty good about having gotten out of the house and not retreating back to it as soon as possible. “That person has no life,” I have heard people say about other individuals who don’t get out much. Maintaining a perspective that guages success on your capabilities and past record of performance is really crucial to moving forward. I would be paralyzed if I compared my actions to those of a person with a high energy level.

So I am glad that I got out today and hope you are all getting along okay too. I am off to write letters to a couple of my friends. I like sending snail mail as well as email, one of my hobbies. Hope you are all having a good day.

If you’ve done something recently that involved leaving your comfort zone, or anything that you feel good about, I would be glad to have you share your experience by leaving a comment here. Celebrate your wins, I say.

Like many people, when I was younger I felt as if I didn’t quite fit in anywhere.  Every once in a while some really observant kid at school would get the urge to bring clarity to my life and tell me, “You’re weird.”

A few years ago I had the opportunity to take the official Meyers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) personality test through my psychologist.  There are many personality quizzes available online with varying credibility, but in order for the results to be considered official, such tests must be administered by a psychologist or psychiatrist.  I took the test to give my psychologist a better idea of my dominant traits and characteristics for treatment purposes.  What came back was the designation of a four part personality type that seemed highly accurate, as well as some insight with regard as to why I feel like a stranger in my own land much of the time. Continue Reading »

Ever wondered how other people are dealing with their mood disorder?  DepNet.ca not only offers articles on depression and related disorders but also includes a blog area where members can maintain a journal about their progress and experiences. 

Besides offering support to those diagnosed with a mental health issue, this site also features articles geared towards the family and friends of those affected. 

Sammy Like:  I strongly suggest visiting this site if you are interested in belonging to an online diary community where you can talk openly about your experiences.  I found that for many years I neglected the online journals I had, feeling that I couldn’t really write about the events of my day-to-day life.  This is a community where you can feel free to blog about your “off” days and not have to worry about what anyone will think.  You can also compare and ask questions about the experiences of others. 

This site is user-friendly:  Layman’s terms are generally used in most of the articles, and the site design is straight-forward; you’ll find what you’re looking for. 

Sammy No-Like:  Nothing wrong with this site; however, if you are looking for an exhaustive resource containing medical definitions and updates on recent research done in this area, you would do better to find an online medical journal.  Also, there are no links to outside sites listed under “Books and Links.”

Overall, The Sam approves.

You can visit DepNet at:  www.depnet.ca    

Upon becoming enrolled as a student with a disability at my academic institution, I was given a folder with various resource materials inside.  jobpostings magazine was one of the featured resources included.

jobpostings focuses on helping students with disabilities to find full- and part-time work.  It is also useful to non-students, with articles covering topics that are important regardless of age, such as when it is (or is it?) appropriate to tell your employer about your disability.  This is sometimes referred to as offering your employer full disclosure.

One thing I found encouraging was that there were many full-page ads for employment placed by banks and other large institutions.  Flexibility may be one of the most important factors in your job search if you are a person who struggles with stress and anxiety.  Larger places of employment are more often able to offer you accommodations if you need them in order to succeed, and usually offer benefits, which are crucial for those of us who have long term health issues.

You can check out jobpostings at their online location:  www.jobpostings.ca    

When you find a place where you’re comfortable, it’s hard to force yourself to move on.  Even when it becomes apparent that what you’re doing just isn’t right for you anymore.  

I realized after pursuing my degree part-time for over four years that it was still going to be some time before I would graduate, and no longer had the desire to live an hour’s car ride away from my family.  Especially since I don’t have a vehicle.  The bus was too expensive and was a 3.5hr ride with two transfers involved.  My health was negligible day to day and I wanted the stability of living with my family rather than with randomly assigned strangers.  But I persisted to stay at my job down the street from the university for another two years, even after making my permanent residence a place that was 90km away.  Continue Reading »

Hello, my name is Samantha.  Yes - I know it says “Sam” in the title of my blog, but The Perennial Samantha didn’t have quite the same ring to it as The Perennial Sam.

 I am a young woman who has worn a number of hats over the past few years: part-time university student, teleservices agent, butcher’s cashier, manager of a late-night restaurant - where I quickly learned that this meant sometimes being a bouncer at said restaurant, Avon lady, fiance, Pennysaver delivery person and more recently, small-time freelance writer.  Notable among these hats is also the one I wear as a young person with a permanent disability in the way of a mental health issue, that being a major depressive disorder along with social anxiety.  My ability to cope (or not) with my health issues tends to colour the rest of my life, which will largely play into the focus of my blog.

Perennial is a word that has come to hold some meaning for me in the past few months.  If you have a garden, you will recognize your perennials as the flowers that return year after year, every spring.  Similarly, a person with a long-term mental health disorder experiences seasons.  Some are good, some are bad.  Some seem as if they will never end, but inevitably they do.  Dealing with my disorder has not been easy for me but through persistence and a willingness to seek help (that I didn’t always possess) I have developed some coping skills to help me maintain some control over my life.  At any rate, I feel like I’m perennial in the sense that these seasons come and go and I am still here.   I was once told by a social worker with many years of counselling experience that people like me generally wound up on drugs, on the street, or in jail as they got older.  Now in my mid-twenties, I am well on my way to finishing a degree in English Literature, while having worked my way through school in an effort to remain as financially independent and debt-free as possible.  Not bad for someone who was told they were destined to be a detriment to society, eh?  (And yes, I am also Canadian.)

I am aiming to provide a journal that will encourage others with similar difficulties, or even those who are just having trouble staying motivated.  I will write of my experiences, but also provide information on resources that have been helpful to me.  I hope they will be of use to someone else. 

By no means do I accomplish all that I set out to, but sometimes just getting by is an accomplishment too, and some of us who are too hard on ourselves need to realize that this is okay. 

Thanks for reading.