The Perennial Sam

I’ll write on practically anything.  I’ve been making a list for the last two days on an envelope I found beside my fiance’s keyboard.  On this envelope is a list of topics I hope to cover here in the next while. 

A few nights ago I was awake in the wee hours of the morning (not unusual for me) and decided to check out an online class I’ve been hearing about lately - offerred on Oprah’s website (link to the classroom) by she and author Eckhart Tolle.  In case you haven’t heard of this project, Tolle’s book, A New Earth:  Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose, is being read by people from all over the world, and for the past several weeks Tolle and Oprah have been exploring the book’s meaning, chapter by chapter, by webcast each Monday night at 8pm EST.  I believe this began at the beginning of March and may have ended this week - BUT you can still watch and listen to the series online. 

As an aside:  I often hear a lot of negative comments about Oprah’s show and although I don’t watch it daily, I do appreciate the woman’s efforts to do good in the world, even if they don’t always turn out as planned.  Now, heading back to my subject… 

I listened to the mp3 version of their first “class,” and it wasn’t too bad.  I sort of want to go out and buy Tolle’s book, so that I can listen to the next section in better context.  I realize that like most self-help books, a lot of what is contained in A New Earth is common sense, dispensed with a wonderful ability to articulate.  I am not discounting his teachings here.  At any rate, some of the things discussed got me thinking.

Some of the talk in the first class focuses on what Tolle refers to as “the voice in your head.”  We all have this voice, although some of us are more familiar with it than others.  Tolle explains that this voice is in fact conditioned thought.  Now, the reason why some of this discussion resonated with me is because I have had an issue with negative self-talk for many years.  One of the women who appeared on the show via Skype questioned why, even though she thought she had committed herself to making certain changes in her life, she still heard the voice in her head commenting otherwise.  Several years ago in my late teens/early twenties I was severely depressed to the point that I either wanted my depression or my life to end.  I am now approaching 26 yrs old, and having dug myself out of that particular hole some time ago - years ago - I am surprised that some of the specific negative self-talk that existed for me back then is still around.  At this point however, a thought will pop into my head, I’ll recognize it as irrational, and the negative thought disappears. 

So it appears that I haven’t been able to banish my negative self-talk, but I’ve been able to counter it with learned behaviour.  I think Tolle’s response to the woman’s question was that somewhere down the line, she still wasn’t completely reconciled with her decision to change her behaviour.  In this context, it might be said that because I still have a depressive disorder, the negative “voice” will persist until my situation is otherwise. 

What are your opinions on negative self-talk?  Have you been able to rid yourself of anything in particular that your conditioned thought tells you?  (Ie.  If you used to say to yourself, “I’m stupid,” have you been able to eradicate this thought from popping into your head?  Or have you just developed a second, positive inner voice to counter it?)

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