The Perennial Sam

I had a doctor’s appointment today and rather than get up early this morning to borrow a vehicle I decided that I’d rather find my own way there. Lately I haven’t been getting out of the house very much so it seemed like a bit of an adventure. When I’m having a hard time with my depression I tend to seclude myself, which I know is not good for a person, so I try to hoof myself in the butt sometimes and get out for a bit.

I really wasn’t in the mood to go out today but I figured once I actually left the house it wouldn’t be too bad. This is generally the case. And I didn’t really have much choice about going to the doctor - something that has to be done. At one time I used to cancel my doctor’s appointments if I was in a really dour mood but now I make a concentrated effort to get there. I realized that I wasn’t doing myself a favour by not going, so I decided to “buck up.”

Anyhow, today was a pretty good day once I got out. I took the taxi to the doctor’s office - about a 45 min walk from my home. Originally I was going to walk but I got up late and then diddled around for too long. My doctor was in a pretty good mood and he was supportive of my being without medication for the moment. I am happy that I am doing well enough not to require antidepressants. I won’t go into detail on how I feel about meds - that’s something that every person needs to consider carefully with their health professionals.

Somewhat off topic: I’ve been thinking about getting a disclaimer up on this site. I’ve noticed that other blogs of this type have one…will have to get the techno-savvy fiance to help me out with that.

After finishing up at the doctor’s, I walked downtown to see my aunt who works in the area. I wanted to do some walking as I’m trying to be more active. I gained a lot of weight with the last round of medication I took and although it’s coming off on its own, I do need to start exercising again. My aunt happened to be out of the office when I got there, but I talked to her co-worker for a bit. He is a nice guy, his wife teaches at my old highschool. She is really not much older than me - they had their first child last year.

I was feeling sort of liberated, being out and having nowhere in particular to go, so I headed in the general direction of the library and decided to stop to eat on the way. We have a new Thai restaurant downtown that resides in an old nightclub. I had been there with my sister before and wanted to go in and enjoy the Indonesian decor and smoke-stained walls on my own. I actually do like that you can still see the tobacco film on the ceiling, it adds character to the place. Sometimes extensive remodelling undoes all the little characteristics of a place that add up to an engaging atmosphere. So I had cashew chicken and Coke (my favourite pop) and splurge on raspberry-mango cheesecake. It didn’t actually taste like cheesecake but it was pretty darn tasty anyhow.

I headed off to the library again. You are learning that I am a person who is sidetracked easily… A closing-out sale was being held in a secondhand shop, so I went in to look for some pants. I didn’t find any, but I got a corduroy shirt that will suffice for a spring jacket until I shrink up some more. I really did gain a lot of weight in the last two years - two rounds of meds and four surgeries have added up to an extra 50 lbs on my 5′6″ frame. At least I’m not any shorter I guess. I also found some napkins and other stuff I can use when my fiance and I move within the next two months.

Finally, I have reached the library, where I am now making this entry. I have to admit I am feeling pretty good about having gotten out of the house and not retreating back to it as soon as possible. “That person has no life,” I have heard people say about other individuals who don’t get out much. Maintaining a perspective that guages success on your capabilities and past record of performance is really crucial to moving forward. I would be paralyzed if I compared my actions to those of a person with a high energy level.

So I am glad that I got out today and hope you are all getting along okay too. I am off to write letters to a couple of my friends. I like sending snail mail as well as email, one of my hobbies. Hope you are all having a good day.

If you’ve done something recently that involved leaving your comfort zone, or anything that you feel good about, I would be glad to have you share your experience by leaving a comment here. Celebrate your wins, I say.