The Perennial Sam

Being outdoors is something I have long to believed to be a powerful stress reliever.  Having a relaxing activity to do while outside makes the experience even better.   One thing I have missed the past few years while living in apartment buildings (some without balconies) has been gardening.  

My fiance’s parents have a yard that has been nicely landscaped with a garden around the perimeter of the property.  It is the type of garden with mulch and a smattering of tasteful shrubs and annuals.  For the most part you just need to pull the odd weed to keep everything going, but it’s still nice to putt around doing that.  I read today that all the bending, lifting and digging gardeners do helps to prevent osteoporosis.  The activity can be as light or strenuous as you’d like it to be.  Being out in the sunshine is of course good too. 

Today I went with my mother-in-law and her mom to a local gardening centre to get plants for several large pots to put in the yard.  I met a salesgirl about my age who, after talking about flowers for a bit, also mentioned that she was interested in studying fine arts.  So we talked about our respective artistic paths for a few minutes.  It was nice to talk to someone near my age with similar interests.  Between conversing with her, choosing the plants and later getting them arranged in the planters, I think it was the best day I’ve had in a while.  I’m rethinking how I feel about staying with my fiance’s family instead of going home.  The environment is more positive and relaxed here than I know it would be at home.

I know getting outside is hard for some of us who don’t even want to get out of bed somedays.  If you can push yourself to do it though, getting out of the house to dig around in the dirt is surprisingly enjoyable.   

Last night we began moving to my future in-law’s house, sooner than expected.  Things are going pretty well although I feel kind of nervous being in another new place.  I’m going to help my mother-in-law do some cleaning today.  I’d like to feature some posts soon on activities you can do to help deal with stress - that’s going to have to wait a while though.

Some good news: I’ve been featured in a blog carnival that I applied to some time ago…you can check out the blog carnival for Bumbling Newbies here.  These are a good way to introduce yourself to new readers and meet some interesting bloggers.  Some time ago I was part of Cripchick’s Disability Blog Carnival, which is something I hope to be a part of again. 

I am going to hope for the best with this new living arrangement.  Today is a big laundry day.  I’m also spending some time trying to acclimate the rabbits to their new environment.  Sometimes focusing on day-to-day duties (cleaning/rabbit care) helps me to get through really stressful periods. 

I’m back from my parents’/grandma’s house and my grandmother is home for now.

I was actually back Friday night but felt useless all weekend and not up to making a post.  Seeing as how I’ve dubbed my blog, “a resource for perseverance,” I feel a certain obligation to write posts that are more meaningful than just a rehashing of my day-to-day life, so I try not to do that too much.  At the moment I’m preoccupied with a few things virtually all the time though, so it’s difficult to focus on something else.

Have you ever read the “in the courts” section of your local newspaper and seen someone described as “So-in-so of no fixed address”?  I have been this person for a while, but have only really had issues with this in the last six months or so (ie. during my last/current depressive episode).  Continue Reading »

I haven’t gotten to post so far this week because I had to go home Saturday evening -my grandma is in the hospital.  She is almost 84 and has been a very independent lady, living by herself until now in rural southern Ontario.  It is time she moved to a place where she can have ongoing medical care but I’m not sure that this will happen as she is cognizant and refuses to go. 

My sister and I are staying at her house for the time being and there isn’t a computer there, so I likely won’t post again until I go back to my fiance’s (hopefully this weekend).  My grandma actually had her first phone jack put in less than 6 months ago - before this the wire from her rotary dial phone went directly out to the road.  She upgraded the phone to the push-button type we are familiar with, but I think she may still be on a party line (several houses share the line).  It’s nice to be out in the country for a bit. 

Hope everyone is having a good week, I should return to regular posting after this weekend if not before then.

What time of day or year do you find yourself most succeptible to depression?

I know that for some people the grey winter months are the worst (ie. for those with Seasonal Affective Disorder).  For others it may be a particular time of year that causes you to remember something you’d rather forget. 

Mornings aren’t good for me.  Even if I went to bed in a good mood, I wake up with an “impending sense of doom” - and I don’t mean the morning grouchies.  Some days it is only a mild feeling, at other times it’s impossible to ignore and it takes me a good while to get out of bed.  One thing that helps me to get up is the knowledge that my rabbits need to be fed.  And their cage is in the bedroom, so often there are two pitiful faces staring at me by the time I wake up! 

For some reason the summer tends to be when I experience my worst bouts with depression.  In June and July it feels like there’s a dark thing looming over me that I can keep at bay; but if I haven’t done a good enough job of staving it off, by August it’s really difficult to function.  Knowing this is a double-edged sword…I try to be prepared every year and if worse comes to worse, find something to do in August that I can look forward to/distract myself with most of the month (like going to visit family in the Maritimes).  At the same time I wonder how much my worrying about the approaching time makes for a more dark and gloomy Sam.  This is partly why I’ve been making a point of being more physically active lately.

For some positivity, why don’t we share our favourite/best time of year as well.  I usually feel most positive from late January through May.  Sometimes I like the Fall too.

Since I’ve been back at the apartment, getting out hasn’t been as easy as it was at my parents’.  I’m still focusing on being active and getting sunlight as a start towards meeting the requirements of the Therapeutic Lifestyle Change.  I have managed to be somewhat active, although not on the level I would like to be.  This past weekend I helped my mother-in-law weed the gardens all around her house.  Monday I went to the driving range and mini putt with my fiance.  Got some sunshine into me.

I would really like to have a membership to a small gym, where I could go and workout 3-5 times a week.  Before I had several surgeries starting in Fall 2006 I had been training to join the reserve military forces for a few months.  I had a personal trainer and went to the gym (walking distance from where I lived) 4-6 times a week.  It helped that everyone I worked with played varsity sports or was active in some capacity.  Even though we didn’t workout together we would talk about changes to our routines, diets, and comment on each other’s progress.  I know some people who prefer to go to the gym with a buddy but I always found taking someone else along with me to be distracting.  It may have been different had I gone with a male friend - most of my female friends enjoy cardio more than resistance training and didn’t want to balance the two.  One exception I found was my sister - she was able to lift more than me, did a comparable amount of cardio and we took about the same amount of time.  The reason I no longer belong to a gym is because I can’t afford it, which will change at some point.  However… 

Today I came across an interesting fitness blog, The Best Never Rest.  Written by Richie, who has been a personal trainer for several years, there is a wealth of information on bodyweight exercises here - exercises that use your own weight as resistance.  This is a good thing for those of us who want to be active but can’t afford to buy a gym membership or costly equipment, or maybe just can’t make it to the gym.  The two most recent posts focus on plyometric training.  

I am going to work on doing some exercises everyday, that I can do without equipment, to start moving towards the exercise requirements described in the TLC.  Every little bit counts.       

I first got a copy of Moods Magazine through my psychologist at school.  He knew the woman who was putting the magazine together and had gotten some of the early issues to distribute to the students he dealt with. 

Moods is dedicated to helping not only people with mood disorders, but those with “comorbid illnesses (such as addictions, anxiety, eating disorders and borderline personality disorder),” as described in their About Us section.   It is also meant to help the family and friends of those suffering from these problems, as well as being distributed in some workplaces. 

The driving force behind this magazine’s development and continuing success is Publisher and Editorial Director Rebecca DiFilippo.  For many years this talented lady ran a graphic design and film imaging business before her own clinical depression forced her to choose another path.  Using her existing skills she was able to build Moods Magazine from the ground up, in hopes of educating others about and attacking the stigma against these issues. 

Moods is now a well-established publication that is released quarterly and can be purchased at Chapters if you don’t have a subscription.  Generally the cover story features a celebrity who has struggled to overcome a mental health issue of their own.  Inside you will find several regular features including Ask the Pharmacist, Ask Ron Ellis (a former Maple Leaf hockey player) and Your Stories, where people like you and me relate their personal experiences.   

It is possible to subscribe to Moods from both Canada and the USA.  In Canada a one year’s subscription to the printed magazine is $19.24.  For a year of the digital copy it will cost you $15.  Or, if you’d like to have both, the combined price is $21.  I personally enjoy the hard copy because it is not only nice to hold something tangible in your hand, but to also be able to pass it along to a friend who may benefit from it.

 You can visit Moods Magazine online at www.moodsmag.com.

After some reflection today I have felt it necessary to remind myself that sometimes a problem is just a problem, and not due to being a person with a mental health issue. 

At times it feels like my mood disorder is the cause of all my problems.  But I know that even if my health issues were to evaporate one day, I would still have the difficulties that other people encounter.  I have always had a particularly hard time with regard to choosing a life path.  Although my circumstances may vary from other people, I have to remember that everyone else has what they feel are disadvantages of their own.  I know several people who have begun and left multiple college/university programs.  These people do not all have mental health related issues.  Sometimes it’s hard to remember that even if I did not have major depressive disorder, my life would not be perfect. 

I don’t know that it’s really worth it to post about this, just something I was thinking about today.

This week I went to see my psychologist at school.  He had prepared a letter of support for a petition I began some time ago, with regard to having two courses removed from my transcript.  My psychologist seems to be very much like me, which probably has a great deal to do with why I feel comfortable talking to him, but I think we possess some of the same weaknesses as well.  He is a very forgetful and absent-minded person.  This was my second or third visit meant partly to pick-up the letter and he did not have it at hand.  However, he said he would send it directly to the Undergraduate Advisor; she needs to sign the petition before I can submit it to the Committee That Decides Your Academic Future.  I can’t remember exactly what their name is…

 There are a couple of my incomplete courses that I am not able to finish, and that is what this petition is about.  One course was taught by a visiting professor, who has since returned to her own university.  It was a Middle English Literature course, considered to be somewhat of a language course as a great deal of it involved translation.  A large portion of your mark was derived from class participation and a presentation at the end of the term.  Since I barely went to class and completed very little of the work, I don’t think it would be worth it to seek out this professor in an attempt to somehow finish the course.  Nor would I relish such a task.  The other class I am hoping to have removed from my transcript is an English Grammar course that was also meant to entail a great deal of class participation.  Continue Reading »

I came back to the apartment today.  Tomorrow I’ll be catching up on everyone else’s blogs.  It’s difficult to keep up with some online stuff at home because the computer my parents have is spyware riddled; pair that with intermittent internet connectivity and just checking your email can be frustrating at times.  One good thing about this is that it leads me to spend more time away from the computer.  I spend too much time on here some days.

My fiance has begun packing for when he moves at the end of the month.  We are going to rent a storage space to put his stuff in for a while, until we find a house.  I will probably bring some stuff up occassionally to clear up some space at my parents’. 

Today I did not get outside to do anything.  Just to board the train.  Taking the train is pretty relaxing and makes me feel kind of nostalgic.  Most of the time I read now when I’m onboard.  It isn’t a bad way to travel.  I’m not sure what I’ll do tomorrow.  It’s becoming hard to remember what day of the week it is, not having worked at a “real job” since Christmas.  Anyhow, sort of looking forward to a new day.